Kids be acting all crazy and shit

As we all know, kids can be very mean. We have all gotten made fun of for different things growing up. The little things that made going to school hell. But did they always make sense? Was the teasing always merited? No. Most of the time they don't even really make much sense.

That's what I'm going to prove by looking back at things I got made fun of as a kid.

1- Wearing Wife Beaters
This story is from 2nd grade. My grandmother(who lived with us at the time) would wake me up, get me dressed and send me off to school. She would insist on me wearing an undershirt, because as she claimed it was cold out. I only had tank top undershirts though. Which of course are referred to as wife beaters(how would this keep me warm?). The only problem with that, everybody else in my class wore v-neck undershirts. Which I thought of at the time as the the gross Al Bundy undershirts.
One day this kid noticed my undershirt and asked me why I was wearing a bra? Then eventually it was equated to, "Cerulli wears bras."

Verdict: How is that a bra? That doesn't make sense at all. Wife beaters are mainstay of pop culture. I can't help it if I was ahead of my time.

Result: I started wearing V-neck undershirts asap. Everyone pretty much forgot about it and it didn't linger on.

2. Wearing L.A. Gear
Yes, you read that right. In 3rd grade I had a pair of L.A. Gear sneakers. This one kid kept insisting that L.A. Gear are girl sneakers. He rode me pretty hard for a while.

Verdict: Still not merited. While wearing L.A. Gear isn't the most hetero thing to do, it's not like I was wearing Keds.

Result: I eventually got Nike basketball sneakers and never looked back. This was pretty much forgotten also. Although I think he did make a comment when I changed my sneakers.

Between wearing a bra, and women sneakers, I must have been the worlds youngest cross dresser.

3. Earwax
Apparently in elementary school I had really waxy ears. This fugly girl used to make fun of me. "Ewwww, your ears are so waxy, "clean your eyes." "I'm so fucking ugly." Okay, well the last one I made up, but she should have said that. The more she made fun of me, the less I wanted to clean them. It's simple, If I clean them, she wins. I guess I thought Q-Tips were for pussies.

Verdict: Yes. It makes sense. I had waxy ears, make fun of me. I deserve it.

Result: I eventually cleaned my ears and she had a stupid comment about me finally cleaning my ears. She probably wanted to bang me. Sorry, I don't bang fugly girls, NEXT.

4. Can't Sleepover
In middle school my parents would never let me sleepover my friends houses. They were worried about me staying out all night and drinking. You wouldn't think that this was a big deal, but apparently my friends did. They used to make fun of me endlessly about it. I believe there was even a song written about it. I can recall my best friend at the time talking behind my back saying, "Jeff's parents are depriving him."

Verdict: No. It wasn't me. It wasn't that I didn't want to sleepover my friends houses, it was my parents. Everybodies parents had stupid rules, this was one of them.

Result: Eventually they lifted the no sleepover ban in 9th grade.
Whats funny is that I didn't go away to college, and
to this day I prefer sleeping at my own apartment. I always have this itch to sleep in my own bed. I've gotten into fights with girls because I didn't want to stay over.
Hey, don't blame me, blame the no sleepover rule or 1990-1994.

5. Not being albe to cum
This is the weirdest thing on the list. In 7th grade, my friend, the porn king(mentioned in my previous porn blog) used to make fun of me for not being able to cum yet. I don't even think I tried to masturbate yet. The weirdest part was that he made fun of me, even though he couldn't even cum yet. He claimed it was bad I couldn't cum, because my birthday is in January, and his is in September. Therefore, I'm almost a year older and I should be able to by now. And something is wrong with me. He was basing this on his friend who was the same age as us who could cum already. Maybe this kid made fun of him and it trickled down to me?

Verdict: NO!!!!! That was strictly a dick move. Why would you make fun of you friend because he can't cum yet. It's also really gay. What do you want me to have a circle jerk with you? Maybe he rememberd that I wore L.A. Gear sneakers.

Result: The next year I had my day in the sun(when I actually tried to do it). Of course since that day in the sun I picked up a new activity that I'll be doing for the rest of my life.

6. Jeff Gillooly/Tony Harding
When I was in 8th Grade the whole Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan skating controversy happened. The guy who actually knocked out Nancy Kerrigan was named Jeff Gillooly?
Only one kid in the entire grade put it together that my name rhymes and sounds like him. Jeff Gillooly Jeff Cerulli. He made fun of me only once though.

Verdict: Yes. Absolutely I deserved it there. Think of Michael Bolton from Office Space.

Result: I tried to play it cool when he called me that. I thought I was done. I thought I would be referred to as Jeff Gillooly for the rest of middle school and high school. Who would want to go out with the Jeff Gillooly kid? Somehow it never caught on, and he was the only one to put it together. I dodged a bullet there.

As you can see by my study, kids rarely make fun of you for things you actually deserve.

So what, I had earwax. Other then that I was perfect.