Offical Wild Hogs countdown: 3 days
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Doing my part
Check me out wearing a sweet Wild Hogs T-shirt on stage last night. I'm just trying to do my part, and get the word out for Friday.
Offical Wild Hogs countdown: 3 days
Offical Wild Hogs countdown: 3 days
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Snubsville
I watched the Oscars tonight and I can't believe how Wild Hogs got snubbed. I know some of you are going to try and use that b.s. argument that it didn't actually come out yet, so it can't be nominated. But, c'mon it's Wild Hogs! It's MARLIAM ALVOLTA. There should be some sort of Oscar clause, that when a film of this caliber is made, it should be able to be nominated, no matter what.
It was way too slow. There is no way that people there weren't falling asleep.
Ellen's banter in the audience was terrible. She made a myspace joke. You would get heckled for using a lame punchline like that at the Village Ma.
What is the hell is the Village Ma?
I'm sorry that I'm over the age of 6 so that group who makes the shapes behind the wall doesn't impress me.
Hellen Mirren has officially replaced Blanche(Golden Girls) as the old chick I want to bang. She is hot, how old is she 70? She has a better figure then most of the girls my age.
Jennifer Hudson is fat.
Awesome that Alan Arkin won.
Even better that Al Gore won. It's too bad that everyone didn't get to see that he isn't actually a robot, until after the 2000 election.
I would have given the best picture to Babel. Much stronger of a film then The Departed. Which I didn't even like. Unless Marty was trying to be funny, the final scene where there is actually a rat walking on the balcony was atrocious.
Official Countdown till Wild Hogs comes out: 5 days
Other Oscar notes
It was way too slow. There is no way that people there weren't falling asleep.
Ellen's banter in the audience was terrible. She made a myspace joke. You would get heckled for using a lame punchline like that at the Village Ma.
What is the hell is the Village Ma?
I'm sorry that I'm over the age of 6 so that group who makes the shapes behind the wall doesn't impress me.
Hellen Mirren has officially replaced Blanche(Golden Girls) as the old chick I want to bang. She is hot, how old is she 70? She has a better figure then most of the girls my age.
Jennifer Hudson is fat.
Awesome that Alan Arkin won.
Even better that Al Gore won. It's too bad that everyone didn't get to see that he isn't actually a robot, until after the 2000 election.
I would have given the best picture to Babel. Much stronger of a film then The Departed. Which I didn't even like. Unless Marty was trying to be funny, the final scene where there is actually a rat walking on the balcony was atrocious.
Official Countdown till Wild Hogs comes out: 5 days
Saturday, February 24, 2007
FINALLY
Looks like they finally made the movie that should have been made a long, long, time ago.
The formula for success is right there.
They took;
2 parts buddy road movie + four parts America's biggest stars + 1 part sheer awesomeness= Hilarity
Or as I like to call them
MARLIAM ALVOLTA
I'm am going to be the first one in line Friday when this comes out.
The formula for success is right there.
They took;
2 parts buddy road movie + four parts America's biggest stars + 1 part sheer awesomeness= Hilarity
William Macy- Nerd, but cool
John Travolta- Renegade outlaw
Tim Allen- The Handy Man
Martin Lawernce- Black guy
WILLIAM H. MACY JOHN TRAVOLTA TIM ALLEN MARTIN LAWERNCE
Or as I like to call them
MARLIAM ALVOLTA
I'm am going to be the first one in line Friday when this comes out.
Monday, February 19, 2007
The Prestige
I just saw the Prestige. It was over 2 hours of two magicians having a feud with one another. All it came down to was that Hugh Jackman was more into East Coast magic. Which deals more with electricity, and water tricks. Christian Bale was more into West Coast magic. Catching bullets, transporting, and red balls. They both argued which was the original and better version of magic tricks. I personally of course have an east coast bias.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
The Golden Age of Porn
When I was 7th grade the closest thing I ever came to breasts were when my mom cooked chicken. So of course, being a normal, horny, curious 12 year old I had to resort to porn. The internet was still a few years away, so getting porn was a task in itself. Every porn shop will kick a 12 year old right out. And unless you had some sort of connection, a small videos store, with an adult section in the back, were also out of the question. You had to be a little more clever back then. I remember once walking a couple of miles with my friends to Texaco, because the rumor was that they had dirty magazines and videos in the back, and would sell to anyone. The big joke that night was that the girl in it looked like Elaine from Seinfeld. There were others around that time too: The Dan Marino guy, the Pat Riley guy, and of course, the fat guy in every porno (Ron Jeremy). Little did I know at the time I would one day graduate form the same College as him (Queens College, although for some reason, they only tell you Seinfeld and Romano went there in the brochure).
My friends and I would all pass porno around to each other. We would get a tape, do what we had to do with it, and then trade it off. You were out of the loop if you didn’t have anything good to trade back. To this day I still have the Jenny McCarthy playboy tape. After watching Singled Out every night on MTV, I didn’t want to give it back.
One of my friends we dubbed the Macgyver of porn. He always had the best tapes, always knew where to get them, and how to hide it. This one time he even brought a Hustler to school for us to all look at during lunch. Only he cut off the cover of a Video Game magazine and used that over it. That is borderline genius for someone in 7th grade. Macgyver also had this scheme where he would sign his cds as if the band signed them, and then sell them to this borderline retarded kid in the grade. Guns and Roses, Appetite for Destruction was signed, “From Slash, Have a great fucking summer.” Macguyver also made me buy porn off him once. He had some videos he was tired of and tried to pawn them off on me. When I expressed by uncertainty about wanting to buy the tapes, he quickly said, “What are you gay, why would you not want to see naked chicks?” Rather then him think I’m gay with his illogical asshole method of salesman ship, I bought the shitty porn off of him. How this kid isn’t rich now, I don’t know.
Eventually there came a time when we realized our dads had their own porn stashes and it was just a matter of finding them. Raiding their closets we would find tapes of HBO’s Real Sex and other gems. Nothing could have ever prepared us for what my friend Luis discovered. Upon digging in his uncle’s closet, he found a box of magazines and videos. He thought he had hit the jackpot. He popped in one of the tapes and much to his surprise it was a bestiality tape. When he called me at 10 am the next morning, I didn’t believe him. I remember saying to him on the phone as a naïve 12 year old, “Yeah right, why would a woman have sex with a horse? When I saw the tape I was in shock. There were women doing horses, dogs, chickens you name it. The color of the tape was physically green and would be referred to as the barnyard tape. It was the grossest things I had ever seen. I didn’t understand what the fuck was going on. In one scene the dog tried to run away, and it didn’t help that the lady looked like my aunt. I had to rationalize to myself that my aunt doesn’t a dog, so it couldn’t have been her.
I remember working at a video store years later and never caring about selling teenagers porn, even though, the management told me I wasn’t supposed to. Teenagers should be able to watch porn; there is nothing wrong with it. Besides, I know that it was going to make there weekend. Well, unless some chick is doing a chicken, then that would ruin their weekend.
My friends and I would all pass porno around to each other. We would get a tape, do what we had to do with it, and then trade it off. You were out of the loop if you didn’t have anything good to trade back. To this day I still have the Jenny McCarthy playboy tape. After watching Singled Out every night on MTV, I didn’t want to give it back.
One of my friends we dubbed the Macgyver of porn. He always had the best tapes, always knew where to get them, and how to hide it. This one time he even brought a Hustler to school for us to all look at during lunch. Only he cut off the cover of a Video Game magazine and used that over it. That is borderline genius for someone in 7th grade. Macgyver also had this scheme where he would sign his cds as if the band signed them, and then sell them to this borderline retarded kid in the grade. Guns and Roses, Appetite for Destruction was signed, “From Slash, Have a great fucking summer.” Macguyver also made me buy porn off him once. He had some videos he was tired of and tried to pawn them off on me. When I expressed by uncertainty about wanting to buy the tapes, he quickly said, “What are you gay, why would you not want to see naked chicks?” Rather then him think I’m gay with his illogical asshole method of salesman ship, I bought the shitty porn off of him. How this kid isn’t rich now, I don’t know.
Eventually there came a time when we realized our dads had their own porn stashes and it was just a matter of finding them. Raiding their closets we would find tapes of HBO’s Real Sex and other gems. Nothing could have ever prepared us for what my friend Luis discovered. Upon digging in his uncle’s closet, he found a box of magazines and videos. He thought he had hit the jackpot. He popped in one of the tapes and much to his surprise it was a bestiality tape. When he called me at 10 am the next morning, I didn’t believe him. I remember saying to him on the phone as a naïve 12 year old, “Yeah right, why would a woman have sex with a horse? When I saw the tape I was in shock. There were women doing horses, dogs, chickens you name it. The color of the tape was physically green and would be referred to as the barnyard tape. It was the grossest things I had ever seen. I didn’t understand what the fuck was going on. In one scene the dog tried to run away, and it didn’t help that the lady looked like my aunt. I had to rationalize to myself that my aunt doesn’t a dog, so it couldn’t have been her.
I remember working at a video store years later and never caring about selling teenagers porn, even though, the management told me I wasn’t supposed to. Teenagers should be able to watch porn; there is nothing wrong with it. Besides, I know that it was going to make there weekend. Well, unless some chick is doing a chicken, then that would ruin their weekend.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
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